And your ears will hear a word behind you, "This is the way, walk in it," whenever you turn to the right or to the left. Isaiah 30:21 (Quoted from The Strength of Mercy)
It was nearly the end of January.... we were waiting to hear about the third child we are being matched with. Being obedient to what I heard God speak for our family and these children... it took more than saying okay. We had to switch agencies, not everyone (as in some friends or even total strangers) but a few really stood by with encouragement. Some people thought that having to switch agencies for three children was a sign from God that He was closing a door. Yet, as a family we were in agreement, He hadn't told us anything differently than He already spoke. If it was a door closing from Him, then it would stay closed...but we were going to check all the doors unless He spoke something different from His first word. The third child was with another foundation (has to do with the country they are in) so we had to wait for her file to be returned. I would check often to ask if she had been matched already knowing maybe God would have just wanted a yes in the end and have a different ending.
This particular day would have me on my knees. As I checked as I often did and gave an update that we had everything in... the tone of a message I received no longer sounded encouraging or friendly. After a couple exchanges while I tried to figure out where this was coming from, I was told that another family had wanted to adopt this little girl we waited to be matched with. The person messaging me felt very strongly that the other family should have been allowed to be matched with her. They had just lost a child they were matched with that they loved very much.... they had more support raised and could go to her quickly. I had no idea any of this transpired. I know our first agency had shared very early on that they do not allow more than one family with the same agency to submit paperwork for the same child because it can foster unhealthy relationships and competition - it turns out that is what happened this time as well. Since our application had already been turned in, our agency let the interested family know. But the message I was now receiving came with a lot of strong feelings. I apologized.... not really that I did something. But her message is ending by telling me hopefully I would not let her down for the third time (two other families have previously tried to adopt her but did not raise the cost to finish the adoption) and hopefully this little girl will not now die waiting for me since she would wait longer and the flu was now in their country.
There were many feelings... mostly OUCH! I felt a little wounded, I felt very much discouraged. I asked God... "Are you sure about this??" I mean absolutely I can let her down... we don't have the support yet... many people don't understand what we are doing, and now it turns out there are more than a few people that felt this little girl should have went to another family that we didn't even know about and we lost their support. I kept replaying it in my head and trying to think about what I would have done if I would have known. I questioned should I try and contact the other family and ask if they still want her and ask our agency how to pull our paperwork..... tons and tons of questions and scenarios filling my head and heart.
That same morning I posted a gift card to sale for the last of $100 of our current fee. A sweet friend that had spoke to me the month prior about being a monthly sponsor had wrote me and told me to meet her, she had the money she wanted to donate. When I arrived she shared that when she saw me trying to sale the gift card that morning she felt conviction that we were having to do that because she hadn't done what God told her in supporting us. (Her and I both hadn't made the time to meet up but I didn't doubt we would catch up at some point.) Her words actually made me think a lot. How often does God ask us to do something and we have every intention of doing it... but life happens and we get to it eventually. Am I really doing what He asks if I don't make a point to do it when He asks? My husband and I talk to our children often asking, if they make us keep asking and eventually obey... is it actually obeying? I was so grateful for her heart in sharing this. She handed me an envelope and said she would share how God provided the money at another time. Inside there was a devotion (she later told me God provided this particular devotion too... I am still waiting to hear how!)
"Standing on the Promises
In the earlier days of our country, a weary traveler came upon the banks of the Mississippi River near the Minnesota and Wisconsin border. It was early winter, and the surface of this mighty river was covered with ice. With no bridge in sight, the woman, who was a stranger to this part of the country, faced a dilemma. Would she dare make a crossing? What about the thickness of the ice? Would this ice hold her weight? She couldn't turn back.
Night was almost upon her, and it was important that she reach her destination on the other side of the river. She really didn't know what to do. Finally, she convinced herself that there was a way she might be able to cross safely. If she got down on her hands and knees, she would distribute her weight over a larger surface.
With much fear and more hesitation, she began her long, cautious crawl across the broad Mississippi. All the while she was hoping and praying that she would make it to the other side without any kind of mishap.
About halfway across, she heard the sound of loud singing and the thunder of a team of horses. Out of the dusk appeared a man with an eight-horse-hitch pulling a huge load of coal. When the wagoneer came to the edge of the river, he didn't even slow down and drove his team right onto the ice and across, singing at the top of his lungs!
Suddenly feeling foolish on her hands and knees, the woman stood to her feet and walked with no fear the rest of the way across the frozen river. As she listened, the driver and his horses disappeared into the distance!
Too many of us are creeping through life with extreme caution on the promises of God! We are afraid and fearful that what God has promised might not be sufficient for our need. We step out in faith, lightly. The promises of God are not fragile and abot to cave in with you standing on top of them.
We are to stand on the promises, just like the songwriter has challenged us to do. We are to appropriate them, use them, and stand firmly on them! they are foundational! They will not break with your need. It's God we're dealing with, and God is God! Believe what the Word of God says! He has promised that you can be an overcomer!
Today's Quote: Anyone who doesn't believe in miracles isn't a realist! - David Ben Gurion
Todays's Verse: And this is what he promised us...even eternal life (1 John 2:25)"
Seriously.... did you get that? On this day, when I am receiving a message that brought me guilt or hurt that wasn't mine to bear God spoke through this devotion that he had chose my sister in Christ to share with me. What did he say?? Get up Chastity, dust yourself off! Stop walking so lightly on my promises!
I didn't know there was another family for a reason ....because in my own understanding I could be convinced we weren't enough even though God spoke this child right to us (and He had just as quickly in love spoke another child for this family)! I could be convinced that I would fail and I can! But HE won't if it is what He is doing, what He is asking, what He has orchestrated, if it is what He has spoken, sung, or directed over us. I can still fail, but as long as I am obeying - it isn't failing. I choose faith. Even when it doesn't look like the right answer to anyone else, even when it looks like a sure fail to everyone else. They didn't hear what He said, and it's okay because it was meant for me - for our family.
Does it make me sad that relationships seemed to be shaken over my obedience... yes. But it would make me devastated if I had compromised the one relationship that matters most, that with my Savior, because I chose what looked like it made sense over what He had asked of me.
If I am going to walk lightly on this... If I am going to go down and "try to distribute the weight" to be safe... I am not honestly living what I teach my children everyday in devotion or the children we minister to at our camp ministry.... I either have to live it outloud just as He is asking or nothing. Because there is no faith without full obedience and full surrender.
I still don't know the end or the how ...Still I dusted off the snow and I'm walking listening to His song. He provides the hearts that He will soften to bring these three children that He loves so much home! I'm
crossing this frozen river, standing knowing my children are waiting for me on the other side of it!
(* I didn't share this in any way to speak wrongly about the people that felt strongly that this child should go to the other family. They had previously encouraged us greatly and in what they felt was the best interest of the child they were now choosing what looked safe and sure- and the other family is pretty great honestly. What I did share this for was as an encouragement. If you are walking lightly on His promise to you...stand up, dust off. We can not only stand on the words and the promises He gives us we can run, jump up and down, do cartwheels and even backflips on His promises! Those words will not break - he won't fail us! And we should be doing some flips over the words He gives us!! A word spoken personally from our Savior, even if it is a word that brings us to our knees and has a crying out.. it is worth going wherever it takes us... because in the end we will have crossed the river and be standing face to face with what waited on the other side!)
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