Why is there water all over the floor?

     The other night as I was washing dishes, the sound of a chair being pushed across the floor meant my five year old was on a mission to help!  Her mission then became her two year old brother's mission as well.  This meant I was not really close enough to the sink to wash the dishes myself.  I spent most of the time reaching for them as they were moving all around causing the chair to try and tip one way or another.  They fought over the dish cloth, and then over the little brush for pans.  The floor was wet... my socks were wet... they were pretty much covered from head to toe in water.  Lelia was attempting to wash a pan and her little brother started washing the same pan.  She was about to get really upset with him, so I pointed out how he wanted to help her because he loves her so much.  "Oh my littler helper", she says to him.  "Thank you for helping me", she told him.  Yes we were wet, there was water to clean up... but in that "little helper" moment there was so much more that was happening.  I put a towel on the floor committing to come back to clean it up and headed with the two littles to get them bathed and ready for bed.  As we get upstairs I could hear my husband asking from the kitchen, "Why is there water all over the floor?"  (I love that man!)
 
    The mess from the water and the good in that mess kind of takes me here.....(Long book quote - sorry.  One of my favorites!)

    Kisses From Katie (Chapter 18 - Counting the Cost)  "For eight months, Grace loved to take a bath.  One day, she simply would not get into the bathtub.  So I didn't make her.  I let her get in bed dirty that night.  The fight just wasn't worth interrupting everyone else's bedtime.  But on the second night, I couldn't ignore her again.  She really needed that bath.  So we began the struggle, and it continues to this day.
    
     Night after night, we go through the same motions.  The scene unfolds like this:  I ask Grace to get into the bathtub, to which she quietly replies, 'I don't want to.'

     I, in my kindest, sweetest Mommy voice, explain to her that she is three years old, that she does not always know what is best for her, and that she does not always get what she wants.  I tell her that this is about her health and well-being; everyone has to take a bath!  She simply looks at me, not understanding at all what I am trying to say.
  
     Not to be deterred, I try a different approach, saying excitedly, 'Come on, Gracie!  Let's go play in the bathtub!' 

     At this point she blinks her eyes very fast, and big crocodile tears begin to run down her cheeks, another plea for sympathy.  When she sees that her tears are not getting her anywhere, she begins to shriek, 'No bath, no bath, no bath!' as if the water would melt her.
  
     I say it more sternly the next time, 'Grace.  Bath time.'

     I then lift her to her feet and practically drag her down the hall to the bathroom.  Her sorrow turns to anger.  She makes her best, 'I don't like you, Mom' face, folds her arms, and plops to her bottom.  'I don't want!' she shouts.

     So I pick her up.  She kicks and screams, and eventually I get her into the bathtub.  She flails around in there for a bit, letting me know with her wails that I am ruining her life and she may never be happy again.

     And then, a funny thing happens.  As she splashes water on herself, she remembers:  She likes the bath!  The bath is fun.  Not to mention a really great way to get clean.
 
     By the end of the scenario, Grace usually enjoys her bath so much she doesn't want to get out of the tub.

     The bath time struggle never is about the bath at all.  It is about obedience.  Grace is three years old and she simply does not want to obey.  She thinks she should be the one to decide whether she gets in the tub or not.  She is three years old, and she is trying to figure out just how much control she has in her little life.  At this point, not much.

     Maybe I am a bad mother for not disciplining Grace more severely for her disobedience, but the reality is, little disobedient Grace reminds me of myself. 

     I shudder to think what I could have missed in life because of my disobedience.  I am so thankful that God in His grace does not allow me to win.  Because usually, the fight is not really about what He is asking me to do.  It is not about the bathtub.  It is about me, trying to figure out just how much control I have over my little life.  At this point, not much.   I would like to be able to say that I always do exactly what the Lord asks of me.  I would like to say that I always seek Him first when a difficult situation presents itself.  While I am getting better at it, sometimes I don't.  Sometimes I still think what I do with my life should be my decision.  God asks, and reasons, and encourages.  He gently explains that I do not know what is best for me and that I do not always get what I want.  And I just look at Him, not understanding at all what He's trying to say.  Sometimes, I even whine and sob and shriek, just like a tired, angry three-year old. 

     So God picks me up, exhausted from struggling, and plops me in the center of His will for my life.  Ant then a funny thing happens.  As I kick and scream and struggle, I remember:  I like being in the center of God's will for my life.  God's plan is usually pretty great.  It is a whole lot better than mine anyway.  I am so glad that He does not allow me to win. 

     The more I strive to live in the center of God's will, the more He asks me to give up, the more uncomfortable I become.  He teaches me, over and over again, that He does know best.  The "bathtub," the uncomfortable places, they get only more difficult.  But I am learning to remember, before I even get there, that eventually this will be what is best for me, and more important, what is best for His glory."      

     I really appreciate that entire book... but that lesson, yeah I get that one so vividly. 

     Time and time again, I find myself with the floor wet from splashing - not understanding what God is asking of me and not sure if I am ready to.  Then that moment comes, and I am reminded how absolutely good He is, how completely faithful He has always been... and I know whatever He is asking I want more than anything I may have been holding onto.

     So many times I find myself in that place.  Even during our adoption... I so thought the boys we hosted the summer of 2013 were ours.  It seemed like the biggest obstacle was going to be getting approved for a sibling group of five when we had six children already.  I loved them, we loved them.  They loved us, called us Mamma and Pappa... they didn't want to leave and we imagined it only being for a short time.  I made calls, sent emails, and no sooner did we start when we got the email that the grandmother had came and taken all five children home. 

     I am not sure if the wet floor would have been more from me crying or from my "splashing" for what I felt would have been best.  They didn't have any visitors at the orphanage for the two years they were there...  they were just starting to heal and trust and love when they had to leave.  I did stop the splashing, remembering God is good and loves those children.  If He allowed them to go home, He did so in love. 

     And then we saw our son, "Alonzo" listed.  Expecting my husband to need more time to process, I was so encouraged that he looked at him and said to contact whoever I needed to.  In a different post I shared when the girls were spoken to my heart.  I remember trying to "reason" or "splashing" at how that seemed impossible - I knew nothing about their needs... but I also remember clearly when I knew God was promising they were a treasure and asked if I would go.  My splashing ended as my husband's was just beginning... and then He too was reminded how good it is to be in the center of God's will, dried off from the splashing and walked in it with faith. 

     Yet, almost every time we are sure we know what God may be asking and exhale giving a yes... there is something else we find ourselves in the midst of asking why, or how.  I splashed so hard when it was beginning to become apparent we weren't going to be able to bring "Mary Ellen" home.  I cried out asking why we were there then, why He allowed us to go, to love her.  We asked for the evaluation, we waited for translations, our translator talked everyday we were there with the orphanage doctor trying to make even a little sense.  Lots and lots of splashing....  some days I am still splashing over it all.  I don't understand the timing of things, I won't pretend to.  Though I am sure it always has to do with those greater things that are happening that I can't see yet.

     And then "Sophia" gets ill from her shunt failing.  We had no idea until a month later as she is being taken to a hospital.  More splashing on my part begging that she stay alive, that we could go to her. 

     Joy comes as we can bring "Sadie" home ... splashing over many the details getting to that point.  Then finding out there is another mother also experiencing some splashing as she had and still loves "Sadie" so much and was working through not being able to bring her home as we had with "Mary Ellen".  My splashing began again... "God are you sure....this family loves her too, they went for her first....I don't understand.  I know that hurt and it is awful."  But each and every time I start splashing again, He reminds me just as I was reminded at the sink with my children in the midst of the soaking wet floor -  there is so much more happening than what I can see.  And while I don't understand it all, He does.  He knows the details and they are so much better than any I could arrange.  So, I stop splashing... I cling to Him and say I am sorry for the wet floor again.

     There have literally been times that I have walked in the bathroom after any of my children are done bathing and had to ask how water got on the ceiling... yes the ceiling.  I know there are times God must see me splashing and ask how I managed to get water on the ceiling.

(Just adding this song!  It wasn't in my original post.  A friend shared it after letting me know she read this entry.  I had never heard this song.... if you haven't either take a moment to listen.  It speaks to all the splashing we may do and more importantly to the trusting we come to when we stop splashing.  I love this!!  Thanks so much Darla for sharing it with me!)

 

"Letting go of every single dream,

I lay each one down at your feet

Every moment of my wondering,

Never changes what you see.....

I tried to win this war I confess

My hands are weary

I need your rest

Might warrior King of the Fight

Now matter what I face You're by my side

 

When You don't move the mountains

I'm needing You to move

When You don't part the waters

I wish I could walk through

When you don't give the answers

as I cry out to You

I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You....."

 

 

 

     Sharing about all my "splashing"  just to ask.... have you maybe been splashing too?  Could any of your splashing possibly have to do with this.....
 
     There are so many children waiting to be a beloved son or daughter.  It can seem a little scary when we know we are being asked to do something or go somewhere that we have never anticipated going.      

     A friend had shared her experience with some splashing of her own.  She had pictured the child she would adopt.  Then God spoke an older child with special needs to her.  Yes, she did splash some or a lot  ... but she had a friend who encouraged her that it sounded like she knew what to do.  She made that child her daughter!  She gives thanks always that God knew best.

     I am not sure of the proper way to advocate for a child that you love and thought was your daughter.  There is no one that teaches you how to do this...

Could "Mary Ellen" be your daughter?  Recently our agency has gotten an update that she may be responding to sight and sound again.  It has also come to the attention of our agency that a surgery having to do with one of her diagnosis may improve some of the conditions that were present when we met her.

    



     Her official special needs include: Arnold-Chiari syndrome; hydrocephalus (shunt installed); spina bifida aperta-surgically repaired. Mary Ellen gets sick frequently. She recently was hospitalized for pneumonia.  A team visited with the orphanage director in November 2014. Based on that conversation and previous observations of Mary Ellen, it appears that she needs surgery related to her Arnold-Chiari syndrome. An evaluation by a neurosurgeon in Bulgaria is being arranged, though it is highly likely that the surgery can not be done there. Mary Ellen needs a family that can get her home to the US so that her medical needs can be fully addressed.  (SB/RR)

     Could you be Joshua's mother?  

Joshua - almost 7 years old. His special needs are listed as: moderate mental delay; significant disturbance in behavior requiring care and treatment; slightly hyperkinetic behavior

From a team that visited him in January 2015: 

He was recently transferred form an orphanage for children up to 4 years of age. Currently he is 7 years old. His behavior seems correspondent to that of a little bit younger child but we should keep in mind that he has been living with children who are significantly younger than him.
At first glance he makes the impression of a very charming, beautiful boy, although one can right away sense his excitability. There are a few things in his behavior that a person would notice: the child’s behavior appears chaotic, he seems overwhelmed and expects presents right away, he is a little bit overstepping other people’s personal boundaries, and prone to get angry if he does not get what he wants.
He mostly seeks the company and the attention of the adults around him, instead of involving in games with his peers and the rest of the children at the Centre. He is jealous when the caregivers are paying attention to the rest of the children and usually reacts negatively.
He needs individual attention and a strict and firm approach of handling the unacceptable traits in his behavior. In order to modify these, he would need a structured family environment, consistency, learning how to build his own personal boundaries and how to respect other people’s boundaries, he would need to learn about his emotions, how to recognize them and handle them, he would need to develop skills for self-control and self-observation in order to overcome the emotions which result from frustration.  (SB)

Or Marv's family?

Born October 2001
Special need - Crossed-eyes, development delays

From someone who met him:

Marv is a very sweet, happy boy. He loves to play soccer, even though his vision problems make that very difficult for him. He has been living in a boarding school for typical kids, and receiving his own private lessons, but recently was transferred to a facility in another region specifically for children with special needs. His favorite class is math, and he gets great grades in math. His least favorite class is Ukrainian. He is said to learn more slowly than other children, which is why he has required private lessons.

He is cheerful, friendly, and sociable. He said several times he would like to be adopted by an American family.  (RR)

George has an urgent need for a family to come quickly!

 

Born March 2001
Special Need - Dwarfism and repaired cleft palate

 LPA has a $5,000 grant available for George.   He ages out 3/15/2015 — he needs a family in country to adopt him, prior to that date.

George’s SWI has agreed to waive his orphanage donation fee ($5,600).

George is a child who loves to dance. His dancing has awarded him “many accolades”. George is described as very much wanting a permanent family. George is known has seen 5 of his friends being adopted since he was registered for adoption in 2010. He has said goodbye to those friends and also experienced the tragic death of his very good friend one year ago. He is the last boy of his age to remain waiting for a family. George will age out of adoption options March 15, 2015. Geroge is a little person. His medical report translate it as “midgetism” but it is likely a form of dwarfism. His knees will require medical attention to which he currently does not have access. George is reported to have lower learning ability but he does attend the regular school in his neighborhood.

He is currently on the shared list.  Additional information and photos available for interested families. (RR)

Joseph waits for a family to see him.

Born Oct 2001
Special need -postoperative congenital cleft lip and palate neoplasty

Joesph needs to be adopted PRIOR to his birthday in October 2015!

From someone who met him in 2013:
Joseph is an older boy I met this past July who lives in a foster care apartment within his orphanage with two older sisters and three younger siblings. He attends a middle school in the area. Joseph excels in his Art classes and his art is displayed around his foster home and the walls of his bedroom. His foster mom was very proud of his accomplishments and made sure we didn’t leave without seeing his Artwork first! Joseph seemed a little shy but we were told he does hope to be adopted. I imagine he would smile a lot more after some braces. He may be a little self conscious of his teeth but his face lights up when he talks about his Artwork and I was able to catch a small shy smile. (RR)

Thomas

Special Need - Spina Bifida

A little from his bio - "As for his motor skills, he is doing very well having in mind his Spina bifida (for which a surgery was performed when the boy was only 2 months of age). He can take a sitting position independently, he can crawl, and he demonstrated how mobile he is going around in his special wheelchair (see video). His caregivers reported that when in his crib, he would take an almost standing position while holding onto the bars, despite his Spina bifida. They tried hard to provoke him to demonstrate how he moves around on the floor independently but the room and everything in it was new to him, he didn’t want to leave the little cover he was placed on, and he was very close to getting upset not understanding why his favorite people were deliberately keeping toys at a distance from him (he is too smart to fall for this). With regards to his fine motor skills, he demonstrated turning the pages of hard-cover books, pressing the buttons of a musical toy, throwing and catching a ball."  (SB)

Alexandre (He has the same condition as our "Sadie".)

Almost 2 years old

Special Need - Osteogenesis imperfecta type III/IV. Emotionally he is doing very well and is very communicative!

He is very emotional and sociable child. Seeks attention by an adult. Motor functions are limited having in mind the main diagnosis and disease, but he shows initiative and willingness to manipulate toys. He grabs given to him object, transfers it from one hand to another, examines with eyes, putting in mouth, tapping. He has a good visual-motor coordination in four directions.

He often vocalizes, as cheers and syllabic chains are heard / ba ba, de-di, pa-pa/. He makes sounds when he is in his crib and when meeting with an adult he gets lively and the sound production is increased. When verbally stimulated he makes sounds reminiscent of pleasure of communicative exchange. He laughs when teased.

He began to understand the hide and seek game. He reacts very positively to this type of game. He removes a cloth placed over his face. He makes good eye contact. He likes the company of an adult. He initiates interaction with others through sounds and facial expressions. His facial expression is lively, he responds to facial expressions (smiles in response to a smile). When in contact he touches the face of the adult, follows them in space with eyes and get angry upon parting. He is a sociable and cheerful in interpersonal relations. He does not exhibit irritability in the company of other children.

His sleep is calm and rhythmical. Physiological needs – no deviations, gains weight, but he is fussy for the types of food. He is in the process of spoon feeding.  (RR)

Ricky

Born August 2000
Special Need - Hyperkinetic syndrome, ptosis of the left eye, scoliosis, flat feet.

His mother was single and she passed away. He has no siblings.

Every time our facilitation team visits his orphanage, Ricky asks if anyone has inquired about him.  He very much wants a family of his own!!!

 Ricky is already 14 and is running out of time to be chosen.  Please share him and help him find his “forever family”.  (RR)

Nevile

Nevil is 2 yrs old. His medical needs include: Congenital adrenal insufficiency (on a therapy with Prednisolon cortico - 1 x 2.5 mg + 1 x 1.25; Cortineff - 2 x 1/2 tabl.; Salt additive - 4 x 300 mg); Muscular dystrophy of Duchenne; Bilateral cryptorchidism; Delay in the neuro-psychical development. SB)

Lissa

4 and a half years
Spina bifida (in a condition after surgery shortly after birth), hydrocephalus, dysplasia of both hip joints. The girl is in a satisfactory general condition and has satisfactory physical development.

Her skills indicate a good course of development (she follows different verbal instructions; understands adults’ speech; expresses her wishes, interests and needs in sentences; puts 5 cubes one on top of the other; strings rings on a fixed stand; scribbles on a sheet of paper spontaneously and diligently; demonstrates good emotional tonus; interacts with both adults and children; imitates actions that she has observed).(SB/RR)

Deenah

7 years old.  

Special Need - CP

Deenah has high muscle tone as a result of the CP. She would greatly benefit from the care available in the US, such as botox treatments. She does have some movements in her limbs. She can raise her right arm to shoulder width and will open her hands. She's receiving physical therapy to assist with her movements. When placed on her stomach, she will lift her head and can control it/move it around to look at desired objects. She attempts to roll over on her back and the staff is working with her on this skill. She sits in a positioning chair and while in the chair, she turns her head toward voices or toys. 
She enjoys interactions with other people and will smile and laugh when interacted with. She cries when she wants attention. She appears to understand some spoken commands as she will lift her arm and attempt to hand a toy that she is holding to someone when asked.  (SB)

Mindie

Born 2006

Moderate hydrocephaly; spina bifida (post op); Bilateral club foot

Mindie is sitting up independently, but not yet walking.   She has been diagnosed with Prematurity, moderate internal hydrocephaly, Spina bifida /the defect has been closed through a plastic surgery/, paraplegia inferior, pes equinovarus bilateralis. According to the staff at her orphanage it’s more likely that her hydrocephaly is a stationed one which is probably the reason why she has not had a shunt surgery.  (RR)

Pippa

Born March 2012
Hydrocephalus; Meningocele

Pippa is an active and lively little girl and she loves to talk and smile. She has started to learn to talk, and she can say simple two-syllable sounds. Her pronunciation of single syllables is clear. She is a bit introverted and shy with strangers, but after a while she will be fine.

Although she has myelomeningocele and hydrocephalus, she has already had two surgeries and has a shunt for fluid drainage. She can sit well, and she can freely crawl back and forth in the room. She loves to imitate others around her. When she hears music, she will rock her body along with the rhythm; it is so cute. She loves to share toys and play with other children. (RR)

Suzanna

1 year old
spina bifida (surgically repaired), hydrocephalus (shunt installed), club feet, delayed development

Suzanna smiles when someone talks to her and laughs aloud when adults play with her. She has started making sound and sound combinations. She seeks a familiar adult with her eyes. She remains seated for a while when properly placed and provided with support. She has a positive attitude towards herself and her surroundings. She looks at hanging and musical toys with interest and focuses her attention quickly.

  There are so many children waiting for someone to stop splashing and go.

Maybe what you are splashing over or through right now has nothing to do with adoption...  

Whatever it is, it is good that He doesn't let us win.  It is good that He takes  us to these bathtub moments where we are reminded in the midst of the splashing that in the center of His will is absolutely the best place to be.  

So we may need some (or many) towels for all the water on the floor... it's okay.  Being in that place where we are reminded how faithful He is and how much He loves us is always ALWAYS good even when we don't realize it, even when it doesn't feel like it - it is still good.

To find out more information about any of the children mentioned above, you can contact 

Shelley Bedford with  About A Child if the bio has a SB at the end.

or   visit http://reecesrainbow.org/  if the bio has a RR at the end.